Thursday, January 30, 2003
ack >_<
this afternoon on my way to school, i slipped down just after getting off the tram. quite embarrassed at first, then i felt so pain on my left knee and even could hardly walk. fortunately i didnt break my leg, just a very big bruise. and i still went to the class, although my mind wasn't there at all...

but the slippery ground is really annoying. and i heard many (old) people die from that. horrible.

Wednesday, January 29, 2003

Monday, January 27, 2003

Ma l'amore no
yesterday took Stacy to David's flat. surprised to know she hadn't been there yet. so it's interesting to see her reaction when we arrived there, as reminding me on my old memories in early November. when i visited there for the first time, i was so amazed by the sofa. truly a nice flat, i'm telling ya, David. and of course you're one of the most considerate host ;-)

after a while Mai also came with some DVDs. so we watched an italian movie "Malena." lazy to describe the story here. but so horrible, the rumor, the war, the darkness of human's heart... may due to this reason, still failed to finish "Apocalypse Now"...

btw thanks to David for helping me make the cd for Selmin, listening to Candy Lo now. still so touched whenever listening to her music. at first i just wanted take a quick check at each track, then i couldn't help stop to listen to the whole song of "Self Theatre" then "Rubbish" then "Depression" then... and suddenly i thought of my friends Alice, John and Andy. i missed those days we four always went to karaoke together. and once we drove to Jio-Fen (the mountain town where the movie "Sadness of City" took place) at the midnight. i still can remember so vividly the temperature of the rainy and misty night... on this point i really have to thank Lokman. if not for him, i wouldn't have known Candy Lo, Chi, Selmin, Yin and other people... heey thanks, Sheepman! ;-)

Saturday, January 25, 2003
just came back from a jazz bar "storyville." nice swing and big band. i felt as going back to the 1930s. i'm sure we're the youngest ones in the bar... most people are around 40s or 50s i guess... -_- but it's really really interesting to see how people of that generation dancing. their way of smiling and how they enjoy themselves is also fascinating to me. and there're many old couples dancing together. that's romantic. if you ask me, i'd like to find a husband that would still go dancing with me when we're 64 :-)

Thursday, January 23, 2003
about temperatures...
got this joke from rosanna. hmm... i remember there's something called "absolute zero temperature" that -273.16蚓 is the lowest possible temperature of anything in the universe. This is the point at which all molecular motion stops....
well... just a joke ;-)

+15蚓 / 59蚌
This is as warm as it gets in Finland, so we'll start here.
People in Spain wear winter-coats and gloves.
The Finns are out in the sun, getting a tan.

+10蚓 / 50蚌
The French are trying in vain to start their central heating.
The Finns plant flowers in their gardens.

+5蚓 / 41蚌
Italian cars won't start.
The Finns are cruising in cabriolets.

0蚓 / 32蚌
Distilled water freezes.
The water in Vantaa river (in Finland) gets a little thicker.

-5蚓 / 23蚌
People in California almost freeze to death.
The Finns have their final barbecue before winter.

-10蚓 / 14蚌
The Brits start the heat in their houses.
The Finns start using long sleeves.

-20蚓 / -4蚌
The Aussies flee from Mallorca.
The Finns end their Midsummer celebrations. Autumn is here.

-30蚓 / -22蚌
People in Greece die from the cold and disappear from the face of the earth.
The Finns start drying their laundry indoors.

-40蚓 / -40蚌
Paris start cracking in the cold.
The Finns stand in line at the hotdog stands.

-50蚓 / -58蚌
Polar bears start evacuating the North Pole.
The Finnish army postpones their winter survival training awaiting real winter weather.

-60蚓 / -76蚌
Korvatunturi (the home for Santa Claus) freezes.
The Finns rent a movie and stay indoors.

-70蚓 / -94蚌
The false Santa moves south.
The Finns get frustrated since they can't store their Kossu (Koskenkorva vodka) outdoors. The Finnish army goes out on winter survival training.

-183蚓 / -297.4蚌
Microbes in food don't survive.
The Finnish cows complain that the farmers' hands are cold.

-273蚓 / -459.4蚌
ALL atom-based movement halts.
The Finns start saying "Perkele, it's cold outside today."

-300蚓 / -508蚌
Hell freezes over, Finland wins the Eurovision Song Contest.

Wednesday, January 22, 2003
Du Pre
yesterday got an e-mail from my sister. she asked me whether i had brought the cd of Du Pre's Edgar Cello Concerto to Finland. recently their teacher had them watched the movie "Hilary & Jackie." then she happened to find the album on my shelf, but inside there's no disk. she said she really really wanted to listen to it and asked me to send it back to taiwan, otherwise she may go buy another new one then...

actually i didnt listen to it at all after i came here. and i may have brought too many cds that i scarecely had the mood for them. sometimes i'd rather just immerse myself in totally silence, without any companion of music. funny to think that maybe i should change the position with the david who is living in the countryside of Finland. ;-)

or maybe it's just the winter. horrible. everyday i can't help getting depressed. sometimes i feel as some little voice crying inside my body. it just began to cry. quietly, yet so sad, with no sound, no light, as the quiet night with rain...

"Inside that darkness I saw rain falling on the sea. Rain softly fallen on a vast sea, with no one there to see it..."

Monday, January 20, 2003
after some warm days, it dropped out more than 10 degrees and getting cold again this morning. quite sleepy now. just went to a course called "Economics and Politics of European Integration." not so boring, but i couldn't concentrate but just sit there holding my cheeks watching the lecturer with void eyes. later gonna go to two classes, one "Everyday Life of a City in the 1920's" about St. Petersburg, the other "Finnish Foreign Policy."

probably due to the awful lunch just had at my favourite uni-cafe, feel a bit depressed now. it looked good, but the taste is totally another different thing. i should have chosen the salmon with grapes but not this stew beef. and the salad was also *duh* but what confuses me more is that how could i finish them all? really like a corpse without spirit.

"where are you going? where have you been?" as some chant that blows my mind into the chilly winds. "then just dance, dance, dance."

Goodbye Tsugumi
found this book written by Yoshimoto Banana from library, spent whole this weekend reading it. gonna the end with the last chapter left now. somehow i don't want to finish it so soon. i've this kind of feeling whenever reading books that i find i really like. as gonna say goodbye to some good friends after we've spent some great time together. as gonna lose some part of myself.

haven't been so devoted to one book, and since i started, i don't want to stop. dramastically amazed by all those characters in the book, especially the girl Tsugumi. and i miss the summer, the beach, the sun, the heat, even the rainy days that pouring like waterfalls. truly love this book.

Sunday, January 19, 2003
the line from the movie "crouching tiger, hidden dragon" always echoes in my head, "be honest to yourself," that Yu Shu Lien told Jen Yu, which also reminds me of the play "Death of a Salesman." i never really liked it during the past four years in university. but lately i often think of it. it's not only a tragedy about the disillusion of american dream, but the dilemma we all probably would confront in our lives.

today i happened to think what i really want would be a place just belonged to me, perfectly, completely. i like to travel around to see different places, or just wander around in the city i'm living, no matter in taipei or helsinki. i like the feeling of moving around. however, i wonder i'd be more like a home-type person. i like to spend time keeping everything clean and neat. i like to see around in those houseware shops. i like the feeling that "do it yourself." i enjoy staying at home alone, to an incredible extent that even surprises myself. i feel security and freedom from this seclusion and solitude. but i even dare not to tell myself that i'd like to be a housewife rather than a career woman? why do i have to be ambitious to achieve those goals or do those "intelligence," "elite" jobs that i've no much interest, just because i'm kind of clever or i always get good grades? the only reason would be the obligation that i owed to many people, i'm sure.

moreover, i wonder whether i really want to live abroad. as Martin Sheen's soliloquy at the very beginning of Apocalypse Now, "When I was here, I wanted to be there. When I was there, all I could think of was getting back into the jungle." i get more confused after coming back from Holland. i can't see any sense that moving to another place then copying your own culture backgrouand and building a similar environment as your hometown. somehow i don't feel like living in taipei in my future life so much. however i'd definitely feel as being a stranger if i live in some other places! probably due to this drifting mood or too carefree life, i feel hopelessly, desparately lost...

Saturday, January 18, 2003
when it rains
quite warm these two days. it rained a lot yesterday. (probably the biggest i've ever seen in Finland.) today lots of the snow has melted, and the ground became so slippery that i nearly slipped for many times.

Wednesday, January 15, 2003
two mantras
listening to the two mantras, one sung by Faye Wong, the other by Candy Lo.

Maitreya Buddha Mantra
Om Mohi Mohi Maha Mohi Soha
Om Muni Muni Mara Soha

Bhaisajya Buddha Mantra
Te Ya Tha Om Bay Kha Dze
Bay Kha Dze Ma Bay Kha Dze
Ra Ja Sa Mung Ga Te So Ha

new beginning
met Michiko and Young-eun on monday evening. they also went to Turkey (during different periods. besides Istanbul, they also went to some other places...) so nice to see them after so long. funny that when we arrived in Helsinki, we all felt as we're coming back "home" and finally we could relax ourselves. we all like Turkey a lot, except those annoying street guys, which made me extremely nervous while being alone. i got the same feeling in Amsterdam, actually... i felt angry. why do i have to be so phobic just because i'm walking on the street alone? i think it's the biggest reason why i like Finland, that living here is comparatively pretty safe and carefree... i do appreciate Finns for their "polite reserve" thing. and next time, i'd rather not choose to travel alone again.

we also talked about our study plan, and about this whole new year. i think i'll take some courses about Russia theatre, Japanese film, politics about europe, and learn German! (maybe i should learn Italian. :P)

Tuesday, January 14, 2003
the sun also rises
"You can't get away from yourself by moving from one place to another."
depressed. having been thinking of what to do in the future, still confused, severely lost in this void, emptiness. every day, i watched the sun rises and falls, day comes and goes, year passes by. and i'm just nothing, just a loser, sitting here watching the snow blowing in the wind. guess i'm sick of this wandering, aimless life.

"he's a real nowhere man, sitting in his nowhere land, making all his nowhere plans for nobody. doesn't have a point of view, knows not where he's going to, isn't he a bit like you and me... "

Saturday, January 11, 2003
from Tampere
there's some snowstorm, but fortunately not so cold as yesterday. thanks a lot to Yuhai, who picked me up at the station and would like to show me around under the -25C. we went to his favourite unicafe for lunch first, then went to Tampere Hall and the main building of Tampere University, which was designed by a famous architect, for... getting warm... it's so freezing that i felt pain of my fingers and face. then we went to the Orthodox church, which i didn't see last time. the "glasshouse" (Koskikeskus shopping centre) for having another warm. "Kauppahalli" (indoor market), which was closed last time due to the All Saints' Day, and saw many interesting sausages. N酲inneula, Finland's highest observation tower, had a nice overlook of whole Tampere and magnificent sunset view. then we went walking on the frozen N酲ij酺vi Lake, the 3rd largest in Finland. excited yet nervous. the ice should be thick enough, after being frozen under -20C for about one month. but it's warm the past two days, so we still had to be careful...

then we went back to their dorm and fight each other on PS2 for 30 rounds. those characters are really funny, especially the panda ;-) at last our scores were 15-15. after dinner, watched "Moulin Rouge" with Chialing and her flatmate Lina. i just thought of one thing after that film, "i don't believe in love..." dunno, after the refreshing session in turkey, i still can't do anything but seeing the part of me withering and dying...

Friday, January 10, 2003
finally, i finished making this album. it took me three days to upload the files!! *faint* yes, i'm stubborn and stupid that i insisted to use my school's account.... anyway
>>click here to see the Tampere pics

fortunately had the companion of Pink's music. listening to "Missundaztood" all these days. really like this album, like every song of it. but why i can't find the cd in the record shop. and i can't find Brad Mehldau. should have bought them in Istanbul... :(

btw, thanks to Karen, made the mashed potato this evening. she taught me to buy the powder from supermarket. not bad, quite easy and convenient. but i can't forget the one i had in Istanbul. went to a cafeteria on Istiklal Caddesi by chance. i can say it's the best mash in the world. tasty, silky, and rubbery. ahh when can i have such delicious mashed potato again?

anyway, i'm going to Tampere again. looking forward to meet my friends there :-)

Thursday, January 09, 2003

Wednesday, January 08, 2003
getting warmer...
it snows a lot today. after experiencing the -20C or colder, -10C is not so cold.... at least i have no difficulty in breathing the freezing air :D

btw a friend happened to be in helsinki. so i cooked turkish meatball and Selmin's burnt potato for him, Rosanna and Sara. they all liked the dishes, especially the potato ;-)

Monday, January 06, 2003
high school...
being in a queer mood now...

just read the bbs board of my high school class, and found:
  • it's the 100th anniversary this year... i was always expecting the coming of this event. hundred years, so amazing... never thought that i'd be in finland then.
  • saw the wedding photo of one classmate, who was my best friend when we were in the first year... still surprised that she'd be the first one to get married....
  • our geography teacher's son was diagnosed cancer of brain. it's so deep inside that they can only use chemical treatment... we all liked this lovely, brilliant 11-yr-old little boy a lot. i sincerely pray that he will get well soon.

Saturday, January 04, 2003
Cologne pics...
put some new pics (it took me ages to upload them *faint*) dunno why i chose to make Cologne one first... probably it's the easiest for me. still thinking how to sort those of Istanbul and Amsterdam...

a HK guy in sweden
found this
online diary (chinese) of a HK guy who seems an exchange student in Uppsala, Sweden. interesting diary. and funnily, he also mentioned about Penny Tai's "1999" before he left for Sweden.

benvenuto indietro, belle!
tomorrow, my short vacation of "living alone" is going to an end, as my italian flatmate and friend are coming back to Helsinki. quite enjoy this week of solitude and quietude. but i'm also happy and looking forward to see them bring back the vitality again. get ready with the -20C, girls! :-)

my eye has been swollen for 2 days. this morning i couldn't stand anymore, even just a slight wink would cause pain. so i went to
YTHS (Finnish student health service). first i went to see the nurse on the 2nd floor. she helped me make an appointment with the doctor. the doctor said it's some infection, not so serious anyway. then he gave me a precription and taught me to get the ointment from pharmacy. (this is written for whom have no idea when they need some medical consultation or treatment in finland, ex. when the false teeth loose down)

Thursday, January 02, 2003
in the mood for love
watched this film again these days: once by myself, once with mai (while david falling asleep aside), for answering an old question: why do i like this movie?

the more i watch this film, the more i like it. somehow i can't really give an answer to explain why. as once you asked me what did i see during my trip, since i would see the world just by my eyes rather than thru the lense of camera and capture them in a photograph. when thinking upon the answer, those images came to me immediately. one by one, as motion pictures in front of my eyes. so vividly and overwhelmingly that i was involuntarily immersed in the world of my memories. but i just can't put them into words...

maybe as the echo from the lonely satellite: life goes on. there isn't much to say, yet a lot to live...

Wednesday, January 01, 2003
Happy New Year...

and happy birthday to selmin, dogum gunun kutlu olsun! :-)

wordsworth's garden
for oft when on my couch I lie
in vacant or in pensive mood,
they flash upon that inward eye
which is the bliss of solitude;
and then my heart with pleasure fills,
and dances with the daffodils.

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